McKenzie crawled up into my lap during church today and for the first time I thought, "She's getting too big for this." She didn't fit quite as comfortably as she used to...especially since she was wearing a skirt, so keeping both of her legs together was a must. I started rocking her gently and kissed her cheek, and then as my lips passed close to her ear I whispered, "McKenzie, would you please stop growing?" She smiled a proud 'I'm-getting-bigger-and-I-like-it' smile as she shrugged her shoulders. And, just then, I felt torn. Torn enough to say, "No, just kidding. I like that you're growing up because I love seeing all the new things you're doing." She smiled a more sincere smile, snuggled into my chest, and gave me a squeeze.
I glanced up a few rows to a family that I love in the ward. The mother was lightly rubbing her 9-year-old son's neck and he looked bigger to me than the last time I saw him (last week). I thought about how she always refers to her 9-year-old set of triplets as her 'little kids', yet here I am feeling that my 5-year-old is turning into a 'big kid'.
In Relief Society, our teacher (who is also one of my very best friends) briefly mentioned the fact that she's 29 years old, and I couldn't believe that 30 is just around the corner. (Even though I'm only 27... :))
After church, another lady in the ward came up to me and said, "I was walking down the hall when I heard your husband turn around and say, 'Come on, Carse! Come on, Carse!' (which is what we often call Carson for short)" This lady has her own Carson who is now married with a child of his own, and she said it took her back in time for a second and she thought, "I used to have a Carse..."
What!? What's going on with today!? It's not like they're growing any faster today than they were yesterday...so, why is it on the forefront of my mind? Well, whatever the reason, I'm remembering today that my kids (and I) are totally growing up. Someday I'll think of my 9-year-old as my 'little kid', someday 30 will seem very young, and someday I'll remember back to this time and think, "I used to have a Carse."
You know, it's a good thing that these things just are. Some days I feel like growing up is really exciting, and other days I feel sad, like time is being robbed from me. And, I guess I'm just finding it interesting today that these two thoughts can co-exist.
Random. I know.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have nothing to add - you put it all so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteOh, I do so understand. For the first couple of years of the triplet's life (3.5, if we're counting!) I wanted them to keep growing. But since that point (btw--they're 9.5 now!) I have such bittersweet feelings about it. I have loved almost every moment of the last 6 years. There have been times when if I had the power to freeze time I would be sorely tempted. But at the same time it just keeps getting better and better, and of course I can't freeze time. And I know that eventually they'll turn into super-cool adults like CL, and that is something to look forward to. It is *such* a conundrum!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely know what you mean Linds! Although I can't WAIT to turn 30. I just made a slideshow for Eric to commemorate his baptism and his birthday and I thought how young we all looked in the pictures and it made me sad. I'm not torn- I'm pretty much just sad!
ReplyDeleteRichard had me watching old family videos and I kept thinking, "What happened to my little Katherine?" It's wierd to see Katherine when she was the same age Clara is now and Clara the same age Brianna is now. It makes me miss those moments and yet like you so excited to see what's next.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I look at my kids and think time is going by to fast. I don't want them to get bigger but then I do. I miss the time when they were newborns but I am excited for all the new things they will experiece. It's sad and happy all at the same time.
ReplyDelete