...those were some of the last words Brian mumbled as he was drifting off to sleep last night at 1:30 am. I had spent the whole night getting ready for McKenzie's big day today, and when Brian got home from work (at 1:00am) he helped me finish up the last of it. By the time we went to bed, there were bright pink streamers hanging from the ceilings, balloons covering the floor, a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" banner prominently displayed, a cute, fluffy, pink robe sewn and wrapped, rice krispy treats with sprinkles sitting in dishes ready to be taken to the preschool party, a day full of fun planned (seriously from the second she woke up until she hit the pillow for bed) - - - and I was still laying in bed, worrying about how to make McKenzie's 5th birthday special.
"What if it snows tonight?" I worried aloud (it did...but didn't stick at all, and thankfully didn't shut anything down). "What if I'm supposed to do more for her preschool party?" "I hope it doesn't make her sad when she finds out her favorite teacher isn't going to be there tomorrow." "Do you think it's going to ruin her night if I don't have anyone over to sing 'Happy Birthday' to her?" "I wish you didn't have to work all afternoon/night."
"Linds..." Brian interjected - already slurring his speach with exhaustion, "stop worrying. Everything is going to be great tomorrow. You've thought a lot about it... I don't think most moms spend this much time thinking about their kids' 5th birthdays. You are your mother's daughter," he finished endearingly.
He fell asleep, and I lay awake thinking about his statement. It's true...my mom could definitely be classified as a 'worrier' when it comes to her kids. From a very young age, it was easy to know that my mom cared about the way I was feeling in all situations, and that she would do anything possible to make that feeling 'good'. Just as I did everything I could to keep McKenzie from feeling one ounce of disappointment or sadness on her birthday, my mom did everything she could to keep us from those same feelings all the time. As I've become a mother, and realized that self-sacrificing is not usually intuitive for me, I've come to appreciate my mother even more for her thoughtfulness, compassion, and selflessness in my behalf.
One of my best friends here once said to me, "I want to give my kids the same kind of childhood you had...or, at least, the kind of childhood I imagine you had from your stories." She then continued by bringing up my mom (who she's never met) and I was touched because she recognized that much of my childhood happiness came from my mother.
I guess this is just a long way to say I love you, Mom! And, even though I spent much of the night worrying last night, I'm glad that I have a little of that in me - because that's what I love so much about you.
Oh linds, I know how you feel. I was so upset that I had to have surgery the day before Lily's birthday. I was told to take it really easly, but I couldn't let Lily down. So we took her somewhere fun and had a great night that night. As well as she got to have that sleep over with her friends. So I know how you feel. It is so hard. You just never want your kids to feel anything sad. And I really don't want my Lily to! And I know what you think about your mom. I feel the sameway too. I never was truly thankful to my mom until I became a mom. As mom's we give up so much, but I wouldn't change that for anything in the world! I love being a mom! There are moments that I would like to just run away, but I also think that is normal. Happy Birthday sweet McKenzie! I hope you had a wonderful birthday!
ReplyDeleteLindsay: What a nice tribute to your Mom. Moms are great! You realize it when you become a Mom...and then you really realize after they are gone. My Mom, (Brian's Grandma Alder) will have been gone a year this month. She is a great lady and another mother who was a worrier I miss her!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. Moms really are special. It's like they are the only ones, sometimes, who really understand us. And your love for McKenzie is endearing. I'm sure she had a blast and that everything was great. You make me want to be a better person.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm still not giving up Twilight unless I'm actually visited by an angel who says I have to! LOL
Ah! You make me think about my mom and how much I miss her. Aren't moms the best and you love them so much an only hope to be like them in some way even if it is just a small thing. I hope to be a great mom like my mom was and like you are. Tell your little girl Happy Birthday for me.
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