Saturday, October 31, 2015

Remember the good, and be happy

Mmmmmmm... my kids.  Whenever we move I feel grounded amidst the chaos of New come the first June 11 in that new city.  I can't put my finger on exactly why...

I mean, I'm sure it has much to do with remembering our little stillborn son and pulling out my faith, in full view, of the sealing powers of the temple.  It follows me everywhere, that faith.  And those sealing bonds that will keep my family together simply exist, always, unchanged, never faltering or fluctuating in their strength as my own emotions get thrashed about on the washboard of change.

For the past several years, we've all piled into the car on June 11th and headed to the nearest temple.  We bring a dinner and picnic on the lawn while I read excerpts from the journal that I kept during those weeks we were losing Jess, and in the months and years after.  This journal is one of my most prized possessions.  It captures many of the moments that I hold dearest to my heart, many of the feelings that have shaped me into who I am today, and many of the details of a painful, beautiful, and cherished growth spurt of faith.

I still see Jess in my mind's eye and wonder, sometimes, about who he is and in what ways he would have changed the dynamics of our family if he were still with us.  That's one of the hardest things for me, actually... losing Jess before we even got to know him. It leaves so many unanswered questions.

But I'm grateful to have a little link to the heavens.  It's taken me ten long years to get to this point, but, this year, our day was filled with Happy.

This family is my everything, of course.  I'm sure most of you feel the same way about your own.

I just couldn't imagine a heaven that would be anything like heaven without them in my life.


  1. Ah Linds, you're making me tear up. You write beautifully. And, on another note, I keep forgetting that you have short hair, until I see a photo of you. So, either that means you need to post more photos of yourself on here (I know, as the mom, you are almost always behind the camera), or we need to hang out in person somehow, so my mental image of you can be updated :)

  2. Lovely. And so hard to believe it's been 10 years...