Thoughts of Peace

If I had to choose one room in my house that I love the most, it would be my living room. It's a strange choice, really, because it's the only room in the house that we could functionally live without. Maybe that's what makes it my favorite. I sit in there every morning, sinking into the rocking chair cushion with my favorite blanket wrapped softly around me. I read my scriptures by lamplight and watch through the big windows as the sun slowly changes the colors of the world outside. I sit in there every evening, surrounded by the people I love most. We read scriptures together as a family before kneeling down to close the childrens' day with prayer. It's a quiet room. And when I'm in it, I feel peaceful. Sometimes we wrestle with the kids in there, sometimes we play a game of Memory or Old Maid, sometimes we huddle under blankets and tell stories. But, most always, when we are in that room, we have gone there deliberately to do something. It's very rarely a thoroughfare and, because of that, it stays quite clean and in order. I think I could sit there for hours. Hugged by warm browns and reds on the walls, pampered by thick carpet at my feet, I somehow feel that if the world was crumbling down around me, I could be safe and at peace if I watched from that room.

I taught my children about the Plan of Salvation in that room last Monday night. I brought in the white board and, after confirming that every single dry-erase marker left to the children had been aired out in the open, grabbed a new one from my secret stash. Using pictures and circles we talked about life - where we came from, why we are here and where we are going. Knowing that his time on earth is drawing to a close, we talked about my grandpa and what would happen to his body and spirit after he died.

One of my favorite parts of the night came when we were talking about the Celestial Kingdom, the greatest kingdom, the goal at the end of the tunnel of life that helps me make my decisions today.
"And this one," I said pointing to the top circle in a group of three, "is the Celestial Kingdom." I wrote the words CELESTIAL KINGDOM in the circle and continued, "This is the place you'll go if you make great choices through your life. If you obey Heavenly Father's commandments and try your very hardest to do what He wants you to do. Do you know what the greatest thing about the Celestial Kingdom is to me?" I asked.
Carson's eyes got wide and his smile almost jumped off his face, "You can have as much gum as you want for free?!?!" I laughed a little and said, "Well... maybe. But, this is what I like most about it..." I started drawing little stick figures inside the circle and McKenzie followed my train of thought. "We get to be with our families?" she asked.
"Yep." I glanced at Carson and he didn't even try to hide his unimpressed look. "Don't you think that's cool, Carson? That we get to be together as a family if we go here?"
He shrugged his shoulders with one corner of his mouth up in a sneer and one eye squinted, "Ehh...," giving the slightest shake of his head.
"You'd rather have all the free gum, wouldn't you," I said with a smile. At that, his look remained the same, but the direction of his head changed into a slight nod.

When the kids bounced off with their Daddy to be tucked into bed, I sat on the couch in that peaceful room and pondered Heavenly Father's plan. My heart felt so warm and I realized the corners of my mouth were turned up in a small smile. I recognized the feeling as the Holy Ghost, testifying of truth. And my own testimony swelled. It's true, I thought. I mean, I knew it was true....but, it's true.

Tuesday morning, my dad called to tell me that Grandpa had passed away.

With my dad's soft voice sounding in my ear, I subconsciously made my way into the living room and sat down on the couch. A mix of sad and happy stirred in my heart but by the time we had finished talking about details of funeral schedules and plane tickets, I remembered my Grandma and how much Grandpa has missed her over the past two and a half years, and almost every ounce of sadness left for a moment. This year, come October, they'll be able to celebrate their 71st wedding anniversary together.



This week is not the most convenient time for me to leave my home, but with the help of six wonderful women, a supportive husband, and a sacrificing co-resident, I feel like the support beams are just strong enough for me to pull out for a few days. (Wonderful friends even agreed to be 'on call' with Brian this weekend - so if he has to go into the hospital at 3 in the morning, one of them will come over to sleep with the kids.)

And for this I am grateful. I feel so blessed that I can go celebrate with my family the life of this wonderful man. I feel blessed that I have been taught the plan of salvation, and that my heart is filled with happiness and hope because of it. I don't remember what heaven is like... but if it's anything like my living room, my grandma and grandpa must be happy, indeed.