It's foggy outside. If I squint just right at the streetlamp's cone of light, and don't look too closely at the ground, and imagine a quiet stillness, it almost feels like it's snowing. I stood for a long time in the dark tonight, squinting out my window at the fog, letting the Christmas tree lights dance in my peripheral vision, arms folded and toes curled up into my slippers for a little extra protection from the dropped temperatures. And, after a little while of quiet contemplation, unexpected tears started to fall from my squinted eyes. I guess I kind of wished I wasn't standing alone in my living room, pretending to see snow. I opened my eyes and backed up into the couch to cry for a while, and look at my little Christmas tree. We put it up last night, and I was kind of excited that I would be able to spend the whole Christmas season in my own house, looking at my own tree, and focusing on my own little family.
I guess I feel differently tonight.
Tonight, I miss my families...the one I grew up in, the one I married into and, of course, my overworked, exhausted husband...and I'm having trouble swallowing the fact that I won't see them this holiday season (or, at least not much of them, in the case of my husband). I'm sure I'll create more memories of this '1st Christmas at home' but , is it wrong to cry a little for what won't be?
Ah, here I am, miss gloomy-doomy - and after such a long time of silence in my posting! Sorry. I guess I'm just 'ebbing' a little again. I haven't really done that for a while, so I suppose it's about time. Well, I'm sure the tide is on it's way in - and, this time, I think I'll take President Uchdorf's advice and try to lift up someone else, as opposed to sitting around and waiting for the tide to come in itself. I have a feeling that he may know a little secret on how to help me bring in the tide myself. :)
Baby, I miss you too. I hope your Christmas is awesome. (I mean... I'll talk to you before then... but, still.) It's kind of lucky for me that I'm a scrooge. You see... I don't like Christmas to start with, so it's usually not the time I feel down about those sorts of things. :) Halloween, on the other hand... :) I ALWAYS miss you then. I miss all the excitement of trick-or-treating and the BARTERING for all the candy! Ah, good times. Anyway... I love your face. :)
ReplyDeleteLindsay,
ReplyDeleteI think it is definately okay to cry. We are not family and I know it is not the same, but we love ya tons and hope to spend atleast a fun dinner and evening together this holiday season as this will be our first Christmas away as well.
You will get through this, and be grateful to have a home to spend Christmas in. The best medicine is to forget yourself and go to work. This too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteword verification: mellsin, v.- missing one's family while standing at the window pretending to see snow:).
ReplyDeleteI'm already thinking of all the fun things we can do- like go to the Ronald McDonald house, make Christmas cookies, etc. Not the same, I know, but we can try:).
You could try to decorate your house the way we decorated our dorm room....that might not help with the nostalgia, but I bet your kids would love it! (Did you end up with our huge box of decorations?? I think most of it was your stuff...)
ReplyDeleteI love ya, Linds!
Oh, my poor friend! I have to say I miss you too. Just thinking about you standing by your window makes me almost want to cry. It's strange how things that are happy can suddenly become sad and make you want to cry. I had that same experience this week. I know you will have such a great time with you little family, but sometimes it's hard not to miss what you usually do or are use to. If it makes you feel any better it hasn't snowed here since the first week in November. It was a lot, but gone in only 2 days. So I too am standing by my window squinting trying to make the tiny sprinkles of rain look like snow. Sadness Prevails!! I miss you my friend and hope that this holiday season will be a happy and memorable one for you. I still wish I could see you though! Love your guts!!
ReplyDeleteWe to are staying home for Christmas but this year, the only time I will be able to see Cory is in the morning since he probably has to work that night. This is the hardest season of the year for me. With my mom gone, I keep her with me by makeing her home made easy do sweet rolls(cinnamon rolls). I hope you have a wonderful Chritmas. I miss you guys and I will talk to you later.
ReplyDeleteBeing overseas made us really appreciate the times we got to be home for Christmas... It is rough when you are far away. The good thing is the little ones are just making their memories, and will bring a sparkle no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI love having our own family traditions, and getting to see everything the kids are excited about first hand, staying up late in preparation, and not being able to sleep Christmas eve myself. But, the holidays ALWAYS make me home sick, for the home and family I grew up in and the love and warmth of my parents home. I don't know if that ever goes away, but I think it's a good indication that you are loved, and that you truly love. Not a bad thing ;)
ReplyDeleteThe changes that we go through are hard, but the joys and the new traditions that follow make up for everything that you miss. I hope that this Christmas is a good one for you.
ReplyDeleteLindsay--I remember that shift from spending Christmas with our families to spending it with "just" our own little family. It's quite a change. I still have major pangs when I hear my siblings that live close together talking about the things that they do together during the holidays. But I also have such satisfaction at the traditions that we have built in our family. This is a chance for you to take control and decide---what do your families do that you love and want to carry forward? What have you secretly always wanted to be different about Christmas Eve? About Christmas morning? And can you come hang out here sometime?? :)
ReplyDeletePS--you know that I think it's healthy go go ahead and have a good cry from time to time. Whatever ends up sparking it, it's good to go ahead and let it happen.