Evenings of Play

I'm used to Brian working long hours.  There have been years in our lives where we hardly see one another and, of course, this has been difficult.  But there has come a rather ironic silver lining from this that I've become aware of: we know how to spend time together.  What I mean by that is that we have had so many years of having just pockets of hours together that we got really good at making the most of those hours.  And since this has all happened through the first decade of our relationship, it has simply become the way things are.  When he is home, we are together.  We watch movies together or play games together.  We talk through the evening hours over a half gallon of ice cream and lately we sit and cuddle out on the balcony and talk about our future while the ocean rings in our ears and the breeze dances through our hair. 

I love this. 
And over the years he has become my best friend. 

So I miss him in years like this one where he is being worked so hard.  This year he gets home late and leaves early.  He takes call often and sleeps at the hospital a few times a month.  We've had worse years in terms of his schedule, but this one falls close to the top.  Even so, there are so many beautiful and wonderful things in this state that I'd like to experience as a family, so we try to make the most of his time with us by getting out and enjoying it when he comes home from work, which means a lot of evening outings.  And, you know what?  I think evening outings are becoming one of my favorite things about this year.  Sometimes I feel like my life is going by like a train on a railroad track.  Fast, straight, not many options for detours, just get from point A to point B as efficiently as possible.  Our evening routine certainly falls underneath the umbrella of this analogy.  An invisible railroad track connecting Dinner to Chores to Pj's to Scriptures to Teeth, Potty, Stories, Songs, and finally arriving at Kids Lights Out. I don't allow much room for flexibility or improvization during these hours because, frankly, I'm tired by this time of the day and it's much easier to let the railroad tracks take me down their well run course.  But... my life is not a train.  And I am free to stop and wander off the course as often as I like, to change up the schedule and to keep our scenery fresh and alive.  And this year, because of my desire to Get Out And Do while Brian is around, I've been forced off the evening tracks enough times to recognize that I really cherish those hours when we're out in the beautiful open air during a magical time of day. 

Anyway - here are some pictures of these types of detoured evenings.  After the work hours are over.

*John D. MacArthur State Park

I love this park.  There's a giant boardwalk that goes out over a smallish inlet and there is wildlife everywhere.

I'm not particularly fond of the spiders, but the park rangers say that they help keep the biting gnats at bay.  So... pick your poison, I guess.  After you leave the spider infested areas, the boardwalk leads you right down to the sand where you can find more creatures if you want to.

I love the beach at our apartment because it has a shallow bottom floor for yards and yards before dropping off in to the deep, but there is something about the depth of that blue water just over the breakers at this park that leaves me breathless. 

And terrified.  A little.  Sharks, you know.

Should-a brought swimming suits.  Always. Bring. Swimming suits.  And, is it just me cringing at McKenzie's rolled up shorts?  My goodness... that child will not stop growing, and those legs put almost as much terror in my heart as the thought of sharks in that deep blue water.

*Jupiter Beach

Should-a brought swimming suits.  Always. Bring. Swimming suits.  This park is so beautiful at sunset.  See the lighthouse in the background of the previous picture?  I keep seeing lighthouses around and then feeling like I should really spend some time thinking about them, because there is potential there for me to really fall in love with the symbolism behind them.  But they just don't do anything for me now.  I'm much more in love with the clouds and the sun and the water and how all three of those things combine in such... ways... it leaves me speechless.

See that reflecting light?!  Trust me, it was better in real life.  Still trying to figure out how to capture things as they actually are...

Lots of shallow water.

Lots of rocks, and just enough sand.

*Football Night
 

We realized something was terribly wrong with our parenting when the kids started using the words football, soccer ball, and basketball interchangeably.  Brian vowed to change that.  We are now the proud parents of football experts.  Not really.  But at least they know what a football is now.  I think.  And McKenzie and Carson seem to understand the rules well enough to enjoy the games.  This guy took a football to the face and decided moping in the grass would be a better activity for the evening.

And this guy just sat on a blanket and looked cute enough to eat.

So...
What should we do tonight?

Vampires, Doctors and Regulars

#1 - City Halloween Party

Good eeeeeevening to you.
Lets pretend you were on your way to a city Halloween party, and on your walk you passed by a gate that looked very vampire-ish.  You happened to have two small vampires with you and one said, "Hey! Take a picture of us in front of this gate! It will look like we are guarding a castle!"  You said no initially because the people who live (for real) in the shack castle were sitting just inside their open door, speaking rather loudly to one another in Spanish, so you didn't know what they're saying, but it didn't sound... friendly. 
"No - let's just keep going."
"Then, can we take a picture on the way home?"
"Well, probably not - there won't be any more light."  The sad puppy dog eyes that followed, and the fact that the gate really would make a cool background finally convinced you to do it.  Quickly.  And after you snapped the picture you realized you gave no thought to much of anything (even the background) except for the possibility of offending the angry people behind the gate.
So you hoped the picture turned out well as you scuttled your children away.
Nice eye, Carson.  I like the look.

The kids and I made it to the Halloween party and partied the night away with loud music, free cotton candy, random carnival rides and a haunted house that scared Carson to the bone.  Turns out this city knows how to throw a Halloween party.

Phone Camera Dump (can I tell you how much I love having a camera on me all the time!):

 These guys had a blast.

#2 - Carving Pumpkins

Carving pumpkins is not exactly easy with this little guy around. He wanted in on the fun, but still seems a little small to be handling a knife, so he had to settle for chewing on the pumpkin top.  Vegetable dinner, check.

McKenzie and Carson were quite absorbed in their creations.

And Miles couldn't stop reading through his brand new book: Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.  I've heard good things about this book and you can see that Miles was anxious to get started.  Anxious enough to miss out on the pumpkin carving this year.  I tried to tell him that pumpkin carving is way more important than reading, but he just wouldn't listen.

Eventually, the pumpkins were done and... only one survived to the picture taking portion of the evening.

Miles wanted me to 'take a picture of him in the dark' too, so, here you go.  Dollar Tree lanterns = super fun for a day.  Then they break and tears are shed and we're forced to consider the old adage 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.'

#3 - Halloween Food

What do you do when you haven't thought about food?  Cut up tortillas and fry cheese and slather things in nutella.  Works every time.

#4 - Trunk or Treat

And, of course, what Halloween season would be complete without the ward Trunk-or-Treat?

These guys hauled home just enough candy for them to be happy and for me to not be overwhelmed. 

Miles walked around the church halls with this face the entire night:

He also struck this pose several times when I said, 'Miles, be a vampire'.  It did not get old.

I went as, in Miles's words, 'just regular' this year.  I certainly enjoy dressing up for Halloween, but something about the warm air and ocean breeze just never got me quite into the mood of it and before I knew it the time for preparation had passed.

Now - how do I start preparing myself for Thanksgiving?  I've gotta somehow feel the magic of this year without the seasons changing!

Happy November!

Baby in a Basket

I'm not really fond of the pictures taken with babies in baskets.  I get that the idea behind those pictures is to show how super small they are in the beginning of life, but I just can't get behind the craze and stick my own child in one to snap a few photos.  Babies do not belong in baskets, I think, and so putting them in one just for a picture seems like a bit of a stretch.  (This idea of differing opinions, though, is one of my favorite things about photography. If you like babies in baskets, then grab your camera and a basket (and your baby) and go for it!)

That said, when I found this scene one morning I just could. not. help myself from grabbing the camera and shooting away because I found it just so darn cute.  Turns out when the baby is put in a basket by my children for the sake of transporting to the world of make-believe, complete with his own super-hero cape, I can't hold back.

(This picture makes me slightly uncomfortable today because of the fact that Timothy is becoming so strong and mobile... but don't worry, these pictures were taken when he was really just more of a blob and hadn't even figured out the rolling thing yet.)

My kids imaginations have exploded this year (probably has something to do with the fact that we only have room in our little apartment for a handful of toys).  So, that's fun.  Turns out all those toys built for helping stimulate the imagination actually hinder it!  At least, they do in my house... maybe my kids are more lazy than most.

I remember absolutely loving fabric as a kid.  My grandmother had a big box of it sitting in her basement... the possibilities were endless, and cleanup was easy.  I will fold up a whole box of fabric any day over sorting through a thousand Lego and puzzle pieces.

And, isn't that lamp just dreamy?!  I love seeing the style in furnished places. (The place in these pictures has become known as 'Daddy's apartment' because he lives here when he has to work in a city an hour and a half north sometimes.  It's fun to say 'Kids, we're going to Daddy's apartment today, so pack your bags'.  We totally fit in.)

Face Plant in the Sand

I've been thinking a bit about 'bad days' recently.  Maybe because I've had some lately and I keep telling myself that, really, I should not be having bad days when everything around me is screaming of beauty and life.  And yet.  Turns out that even on the beach days can feel drippy and heavy sometimes.

Making decisions has never been one of my strong points.  If you don't like shopping, DO NOT go with me.  Seriously.  It takes me forever to make decisions on everything from a new pair of jeans to peanut butter.  (Which is probably why I never go shopping for a new pair of jeans, and why you'll always find the exact same kind of peanut butter in my cupboards because I already agonized over and made that decision years ago and I'm not about to go there again.)  In addition to making decisions, change has never been one of my strong points either.  There's a famous family story involving the kitchen cupboards in my childhood kitchen that sent me spiraling into waves of tears when my parents removed them. As a child I would also cry if my dad got a new car (especially once when his new car had a taillight configuration that made it look incredibly sad), about shaving my legs and piercing my ears (because I was growing up), and always at the beginning and end of school years (which is rather normal, I think).  So, when these two weak things in my life get thrown together and I am forced to make a decision on a major change in my life it creates a perfect storm, so to speak, for a disastrous emotional roller coaster.

I'm all better now and, truthfully, I have nothing really insightful to say about these so called 'bad days' other than they must all be part of the great plan.  Opposition in all things, you know?

And, the bad days have given birth to wonderful things.  Hard decisions have been made and our future is starting to take the form of something wonderful.  It's not all the way formed yet, but I feel like it's moving in a good direction and that most of the hardest decisions have been made. I'm sure you'll hear more details as things unfold a bit more concretely, but for now I'm happy to be back!  Back to blogging, back to this dreamlike year we're living, back to my happy place.

An Accidental Party

August 17th this year started bright and beautiful.  I woke next to Brian who was lazily scrolling away on his iPad and smiled a happy, content smile.  I love Saturdays.  I rolled over and put my head on Brian's chest to read the article he was reading.  No rush to get out of bed.  No pressure for Brian to get showered and out the door.  He kissed my head and we wondered aloud how long we could pretend to be asleep before the clomping and stomping outside our door came in.

Turned out to be a minute or two.  Not bad.

Soon we were all in our swimming suits rubbing sunscreen into our skin.

We were excited to get down to the beach to try out Carson's new birthday presents.  "We're totally the most popular family on the beach today," Brian joked as we watched the interest mount in our hamster wheel.

Don't worry, it only took Brian and I over 30 minutes to blow the beast up and, after our heads stopped swimming in lightheadedness, it was ready to be used.

It was definitely fun.

I took a few minutes to try to get a shot of the waves breaking over the camera, but the waves weren't quite big enough to be curling... they were more sliding like an avalanche so this was the best I got.

We eventually got hungry, so we decided to go inside for a fun, crabby lunch.

After which, we all settled down for an afternoon of quiet.  Timothy napped, the kids watched a movie, Brian read a book, I plopped the computer down on my lap and worked on pictures, and we enjoyed an hour and a half of quiet before Timothy woke again and started stirring the energy once again.  Right towards the end of our quiet time, my cell phone rang and I answered the call from my mother-in-law, Jean.

"Well, hello, Linds!" she said.
"Hi, Jean!"  I answered.
"Does your sweet husband get to be home with you today?"
"Yep - he's here.  We've just had a great morning at the beach."
"That's so wonderful.  I was just calling to say Happy Anniversary to you guys and to sing Brian my Happy Anniversary song." ... ... ... Um... What? ... ...  

Oh... 
my... 
goodness...

"That is today isn't it?" she asked after my silent pause.  I recovered quickly.
"Yep, it sure is!  Thank you so much!"  I wasn't sure whether to let her in on the secret that I had completely forgotten about my anniversary and that I was quite sure her son had, too, or to pretend.  We had been so focused on planning Carson's birthday which had been the day before that we had forgotten to think of ourselves. 
"Well, in just a minute, I want to talk to Brian, but first we want to talk to Carson to see how his birthday went," she finished.  I handed the phone to my oldest son and walked into the bedroom where Brian was reading and rocking a sleepy Timothy.

"Hey..." I said as I leaned in closer to him.  "Just so you know... your mom is on the phone and wants to wish you a happy anniversary."

His eyes widened in shock.  Yep, that's what I thought.

We laughed.  We gave each other a hug and a kiss.  We laughed again.  And then we continued on with the rest of our day as scheduled.

I've been thinking about this for the past month.  How weird it was that I forgot our anniversary when, first, it was such an uncharacteristic thing for me to have done at all and, second, it happened to be the anniversary immediately following his heart attack, which I would think would give this anniversary an even greater need to be celebrated.  And I've realized a few things.

We didn't really need a day this year to refocus on our relationship.  Refocusing is kind of what I love about anniversaries because my life has a way of pulling me into its details and trapping my thoughts among them.  It's too easy for me to spend my life thinking about what's for dinner or how I'm going to get the floor mopped today, or even when I'm going to schedule my next date night.  So an entire day spent in remembering the broad picture of our relationship and love is usually a welcome change.  But, this year we didn't need that day because we've spent the last eight months doing that very thing.

Right now, we are so happy to have each other on a mundane Tuesday that having each other on our anniversary didn't feel like that much of a difference.  And, if this feeling fades over time (which it, unfortunately, probably will as the weeds of daily life get bigger and stronger) then I will be right back to throwing myself into our anniversary.  But it was nice to realize that, for this year, we didn't need one.

I also realized again that, even though these boys look concerned below (which is why I love these pictures so much!), we are having fun this year. 

Without any extra planning, our anniversary was spent cuddling in the morning, playing on the beach 'till lunch, relaxing the afternoon away, and barbequing through the evening with the very people in this world that we love best.

I see that the pendulum of our lives has swung back to the side of happiness and joy.  And that the difficulties and trials we went through last year just gave the ball more and more and more potential energy so that when it was released, we would soar to a happiness never before reached.  I'm certain it will swing back someday and we'll be called upon to wrestle through something else (even today a bit as I feel a tugging loneliness for changing leaves and crisp air)...

But right now, this feels pretty magical.