I've been thinking a bit about 'bad days' recently. Maybe because I've had some lately and I keep telling myself that, really, I should not be having bad days when everything around me is screaming of beauty and life. And yet. Turns out that even on the beach days can feel drippy and heavy sometimes.
Making decisions has never been one of my strong points. If you don't like shopping, DO NOT go with me. Seriously. It takes me forever to make decisions on everything from a new pair of jeans to peanut butter. (Which is probably why I never go shopping for a new pair of jeans, and why you'll always find the exact same kind of peanut butter in my cupboards because I already agonized over and made that decision years ago and I'm not about to go there again.) In addition to making decisions, change has never been one of my strong points either. There's a famous family story involving the kitchen cupboards in my childhood kitchen that sent me spiraling into waves of tears when my parents removed them. As a child I would also cry if my dad got a new car (especially once when his new car had a taillight configuration that made it look incredibly sad), about shaving my legs and piercing my ears (because I was growing up), and always at the beginning and end of school years (which is rather normal, I think). So, when these two weak things in my life get thrown together and I am forced to make a decision on a major change in my life it creates a perfect storm, so to speak, for a disastrous emotional roller coaster.
I'm all better now and, truthfully, I have nothing really insightful to say about these so called 'bad days' other than they must all be part of the great plan. Opposition in all things, you know?
And, the bad days have given birth to wonderful things. Hard decisions have been made and our future is starting to take the form of something wonderful. It's not all the way formed yet, but I feel like it's moving in a good direction and that most of the hardest decisions have been made. I'm sure you'll hear more details as things unfold a bit more concretely, but for now I'm happy to be back! Back to blogging, back to this dreamlike year we're living, back to my happy place.
Big decisions undo me, too. After having lived for 2 years with possible changes constantly looming on the horizon, I can say I AM getting better at it. It still really stinks though. I hope answers come to you guys soon.
ReplyDeleteI just spent the last 10 minutes reading the comments in your sidebar and it made me miss you and your kids to much. I wish I could meet Miles. He sounds hilarious.
Ok. Aaron misses you guys too, but that comment was from his wife, Melissa. Me.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love your new header.
ReplyDeleteSecond, maybe I was lucky to not really get to make some of the big decisions? I KNEW in my heart of hearts that there would be no job available in NC--and I kind of felt that there would be only one job available. Fait accompli and all that. As much as I have struggled about having no choice, maybe in some ways that's easier??
Um, two things:
ReplyDelete1) I remember that even our paradise in Hawaii had weeks of rain storms and I thought "Why do people come on vacation here? This is paradise?" and
2) Do you remember how you and I shopped the entire flea market for me to choose the perfect lava lava, when, in the end, I picked the very one I had chosen at first?
I'm glad you're feeling better, and I'm excited to hear what comes next for you.
And, I was sad to sell our washer and dryer a couple years ago (like, three years ago) when we inherited a slighter newer set. We won't mention that my parent's have a moving truck at their house today and are driving away from my childhood....(sniff, sniff...bawl)
You are an AMAZING photographer!!!
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