Tuesday, January 7, 2014

New Year, New Direction


I always take a deep breath at the beginning of each year.  It's not really something I consciously do, and I admit that it's a little bit quirky, but it's something that has become so consistent in my life that I expect it, I wait for it, and when it comes I smile through it.  It's not so much a deep breath of preparation for coming months ahead, nor is it a deep breath for the completion of months behind...  It's mostly a deep breath that fills my lungs and my soul with insight about where I am in life right now, and with promise that the coming year will bring both happiness and growth (which sometimes are the same thing and other times are not).  The deep breath smells sweetly of fresh beginnings, of no mistakes, of potential, and it finally exhales into resolutions to be a little better, to try a little harder, to pray and smile and listen a little more, and to enjoy this journey of life that I am living.

This year my deep breath came on the second of January.  I closed my eyes when I felt it tickle in the back of my throat, I let it come deeply, and as it filled my lungs I thought about my life.  So many changes, I thought.  I've been through so many changes over the past year and I have so many changes coming up in the present one.  I felt a warm sense of accomplishment for the way I've handled the changes of the past year, and at the same time a sharp sting of resolve to handle the anticipation of the coming changes with more grace than I have been.  It's been ugly, folks... the anxiety of this upcoming move has kept me awake at nights and the sadness I feel at leaving this lush east-coast for the barren desert rolls around inside of me like barbed wire.  My mind has figuratively picked apart the desert countryside of my future and has been exploring the dark crevices of my fears.  But they remain dark.  I do wish the hot sun would shine on them and take the mystery away from their shadows, but that is not possible.  I don't like the ugliness I feel, so by the time my breath slowly exhaled I had made my new years resolution.  I will harvest beauty this year.

In order to help me with this goal, I've decided to give my blog over to the idea.  I've changed the title from Turning Tomorrow into Yesterday into Harvest Beauty, and I will try to write my posts accordingly.  I've found that, even through the darkest trials of my life, there is always beauty.  Always something to hold on to, always something that shows that God is mindful of us and of our lives.  This is my resolution this year.  To remember that in every life painting, there is a brush stroke of beauty.  Sometimes it's the entire painting itself, and other times it's hidden in the painting like a clever artists name.  Regardless of its size, my goal is to find it, recognize it, harvest it, and keep it in my heart.

I'm reminded of the story of Joseph of Egypt who harvested and stocked and saved for seven years while the crops were plentiful, and when the seven years of famine came he was ready and did not suffer. 

I will keep as much of the harvest here as I can so that it will be readily available to me (and to you if you want) when beauty is in short supply. 


Here's to a beautiful 2014.

13 comments:

  1. Beautiful post. I have a confession, though. I kind of mixed up One Direction with New Direction and thought this was going to be a post about your burgeoning love of boy bands. :)

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    1. Melissa, you don't know you're beautiful. And THAT is what makes you beautiful. :)

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  2. You should have made a resolution for me before I moved, you know? Good for you for having a plan to try to make things better!

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    1. Well... I have a couple of trail blazers that have gone ahead of me and prepared me a bit. :)

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    2. So happy to have been there for you...NOT!! ;)

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  3. Lovely idea! I so hear you on moving from the east coast to the desert... I'm still not entirely reconciled. ;) But what I've tried to do over the last few years is similar to what you resolve to do here, and it helps a lot.

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    1. Thanks, Cindy. I really am hoping that it will help... if nothing else, it's really helping me remember to focus on these next six months and not worry quite so much about the six after that.

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  4. In sacrament the other day, someone said "Don't take counsel from your fears". I love that thought, because it makes it ok to still have the fears, and feel the fears, but reminds us not to let the fears dictate our actions. Now if I could only figure out how to actually DO that :). I love the new look- beautiful!

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    1. Huh. That's really perfect. On the one hand, i like thinking about the negative things so that I can process them and 'get ready' for them before they hit... and on the other hand I really want to simply focus on the good things. I think this strikes a great balance between those two points.

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    2. Katie, I love that!

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  5. Does this mean I can steal your old title for my blog now? I always thought it was really cute. :) I love your thoughts and your start to the new year. I'll have to take a deep breath myself here soon. Best of luck finding beauty in the desert. I know I've seen it there before...it may be a little harder to find after living on the beach for a year, but it is still there.

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    1. You're so right... I think I'll probably have to redefine my definition of beauty, though - I'm sure I'll be more successful in finding beauty if I'm not comparing it to the beach! And, is it weird that I went back and forth and back and forth about whether or not to change my title just because I loved that old title, too?! I'll see how this year goes with this new title, but you may just see my old title resurface again at the end of the year when this little 'resolution' is over. Thanks for the compliment on it!

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  6. Anonymous12:35 PM

    Hi Lindsay. My name is Cameron and I was hoping you would be willing to answer a question I have about your blog. My email is cvonstjames(at)gmail(dot)com. Thank you so much! :)

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