Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

Hello, thirty.

There's hype around you, you know. Chatter, excitement, anxiety, disbelief. Lots of elbow poking and winking from those who find out you're approaching.

 But you don't scare me. In fact, I've been eager to see you! Don't get me wrong, it's a bit sad to see my 20's go. Those were some awesome years ... packed full of life changing decisions. I found an incredible boy who stole my heart. And keeps it still, which is wonderful because he's much more gentle and loving with it than I am. I chose my profession, and helped him choose his. We became parents, moved across the country, dealt with true heartache, made more career decisions, refined our roles as mother and father, and formed some everlasting friendships... It feels good to have so many big life decisions behind us.

So, welcome, thirty!

You are a milestone, of sorts. A reason to pause, stop working, take a step back and look. And, you know ... what I see makes me happy. Because I see that, under the masterful blueprints of the Lord, the frame of our life-house has been built. A foundation of faith. Cornerstones of family respect, fun, love and work. Walls of lessons: lessons of motherhood, lessons of confidence, lessons of faith, lessons of sorrow, lessons of sacrifice. A roof made from watertight family bonds formed by looking out for each other, protecting each other, caring for each other and feeling secure with each other. There is still much, much work to be done in our life-house... Who knows what renovations lie in our future, or how the interior will be decorated, but today I can see that this is a place in which I am very excited to spend the rest of my life.

I see this house as your gift to me, thirty. Along with a bit more perspective. A bit more security. A bit more faith.  A bit more understanding.  A bit more hope.  A bit more trust.

But perhaps most importantly, a bit more self-confidence.  And a bit less comparison...

...which will probably change the direction of my thirties the most. I have felt myself drawn recently to quotes that encourage me to be who I am. I, along with many women, find it very difficult to keep my focus inward and upward, and have spent too much of my time watching from side to side to see what everyone around me is thinking and doing. But somewhere, after all these years of scrambling, I've caught a foothold. The work of self-discovery is becoming faster. And the joy of self-contentment is getting easier to feel. This could be the greatest gift. To see my imperfections, to see my strengths, and to not be scared by either.

I heard a quote once, and I can't remember who said it, but it goes something like this:

“About all you can do in life is be who you are.
Some people will love you for you.
Most will love you for what you can do for them,
and some won't like you at all.”

This speaks to me... and I see it shaping up to be a great theme I will string throughout my thirties. I hope I will get better at finding and surrounding myself with those people who love me for me... that I will willingly and happily give what I can to those who love me for what I can do for them (and then not be hurt when they leave)... and that I can tactfully and understandingly ignore those who don't like me at all.

Because, really, I want to be me.

And I want you to be you. Yes, thirty. I speak the truth when I say I'm excited to see you, but that doesn't mean I don't see your faults just like you see mine... I know you'll cause my back to go out when I forget to put equal weight on my legs before the sneeze... or fuzzy up my vision when I try to see as far as I used to... you cause me to worry when the carrot crunches a little too loudly because it could be my tooth... you bring along sags and wrinkles, sunspots and grey hairs... and your presence means that half-heatedly watching what I eat is no longer effective in maintaining my weight... but even so...

... I don't mind. Too much.

Here's to us, thirty.

*PS - let's hear it for my awesome little photographers, McKenzie and her friend Amaya!  They posed me, primped me, and even told me sweetly to 'maybe not smile like that ever again?... because that smile is a little... know, like... horrifying?...' 
(The following picture prompted the advice):

 I will never delete it.  I laugh too hard every time I see it.  Every. Time.


  1. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I love this post. I turned 30 back in February and it wasn't nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be. You captured so eloquently how I feel, too.

    Happy birthday!!

  2. I love you Lindsay! I feel that thirty will truly be an amazing decade! You have an incredible way with words and say it how I feel it.

    I love the photos of you. The third one reminds me of the high school Lindsay and it makes me miss you SO so much! (Okay so maybe I cried a little. I admit it. But you know that's me!) You are a beautiful woman and I find myself in awe of you. Of all the things you've accomplished and overcome and you handle yourself with such grace. I count myself blessed to be your friend!

  3. When I saw the first picture on my google reader, I thought it was a picture of Michelle, because your hair is darker than I recall (maybe it's from turning 30 ;) I kind of ignored my birthday last year--but that doesn't mean my family didn't. Brady must have made a big enough deal that Caleb caught on, because now, when we play pretend, Caleb says, "I will be Big Bear, Isaac is Little Bear, and Mom, you can be Thirty-Bear" Thanks :)

  4. You are the best, Linds:). Happy, happy birthday. I love your perspective and your strangely in-depth analogies. They always help me see things in a new light- one of my favorite things about being your friend.

  5. This post is beautiful. As are you, horrifying smile and all. ;)

  6. Welcome to the club! 30 is rather fabulous, it is amazing how different life is at 30 than it was at 20. Another 10 years and we'll be sending our kids to college!

    Mackenzie's pictures are great, how fun.

  7. Happy Birthday, gorgeous! I remember my sister telling me that she spent her 20's thinking she had life figured out and her 30's realizing she didn't know anything. 30's are awesome. And so is your daughter.

  8. 30 phew, been there done that, it only gets better with age

  9. Anonymous11:23 PM

    You just turned 30 and I am getting ready to turn 31. How crazy is that? I love to read your blogs. I miss you but reading your blog makes it all better. Happy Birthday.

  10. Good photo work Kenz! But I disagree with her.. I like the horrifying smile.

    You seem so good Linds. So comfortable in your (beautiful) skin. I just wish I could hear those analogies in person!!

  11. Fun post! I also quite enjoyed turning 30. I was so happy with where my life had been, where it was, and where it was going. I sure do love and miss you!