Maybe We All Need Emotional Support Turtles

Brian threw his phone on the bed next to me one Sunday morning.

"Linds, I got that text this morning," he said, pointing to the phone as if it were covered in wasps.

I picked it up and read the message from the Stake President asking the both of us if we could meet with him after sacrament meeting.

"It's not ... that ... is it?" He said.

Knowing exactly what he meant, I replied, "No, it can't be that."

It was no secret that the bishop was being released. Rumors and whispers about who would replace him had been going around for the better part of a month, but it was not a rumor that the bishop was being released; that was a fact. The bishop had been shouting it for weeks, and there was an official scrapbook being made by the relief society president. With all the excitement and all the preparations, surely the stake presidency had already set the new bishop in place?

After reading the text, the next three hours before we met with the stake president were rough (thankfully it was only three hours), and we spent most of that time convincing ourselves and each other that there must be some other reason President Morris wanted to meet with Brian. And me. 

But the only way to know was to know, and as we left the chapel to follow President Morris down the hall, we knew we were about to find out. I was carrying Tippy, Eliza's stuffed turtle (which is a common occurrence for me during the second hour of church), and when I heard Brian take a deep breath to calm his nerves, I turned to him and saw his eyes swimming in worry. I held up Tippy between us.

"Would you like to hold Tippy?" I whispered. 

He laughed in response (if a strained smile with a slightly forceful exhale out through his nose can be counted as a laugh), and turned his head back to follow President Morris. Two steps down the hall he looked to me and whispered, "Actually, yes," and took Tippy from my arms.

It wasn't long after exchanging short pleasantries that President Morris got straight to the point.

Turns out it was that.

After President Morris officially asked Brian if he would serve as bishop, I looked over at my strong, confident man and saw all 6 feet 4 inches of him slumped down in his chair like an old grandma's stocking trying to hide in her shoe. His face was pallid, his eyes blinked back tears, and as he clutched Tippy to his chest he croaked out the words, "I'll try."

It's that humility that will, in part, make him such a great bishop.

The little bit of life perspective I have gleaned (along with having kids in sports) has shown me glimpses of how the Lord sets up his plays. He doesn't just throw us into the game-- He sets us up to succeed first. Of course, we have to be listening and willing to implement his coaching, but that's another lesson.

As early as we are in this game of bishoping, we have already seen some of the Lord's masterful set up.

I'll have to let Brian tell you about the ways he has felt himself personally being prepared for this, but I can tell you three of my own stories.

--Story Number One--

a dose of clarity

Early in the Come Follow Me year, (we're in the Doctrine and Covenants), I came across verses in section 25 that, as a woman in the church, have always been tricky for me. But this time through, I felt the clouds of confusion lift, and I saw more truth and so much beauty in these words and in this counsel. The Lord says to Emma Smith, "Murmur not because of the things which thou has not seen, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come. And the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness. ... Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him."

I wasn't even asking for it, but my mind felt so enlightened regarding these words that it compelled me to teach an impromptu family home evening lesson on it that week and monopolize an entire dinner conversation at a table in Foxes BBQ among close friends. 

I won't try to preach the sermon here, because frankly, I'm not sure I could ever put what I now know into words. Some truths must be felt. But I will say this, because of this specific dose of clarity that came five months ago, it is easy for me to say today: 

-I will not murmur when my husband has responsibilities I do not have; I can trust that the Lord is guiding us ALL in wisdom. 

-I will take the 'office of my calling' as seriously as Brian is taking his; mine is, in part, to 'comfort my husband with consoling words in the spirit of meekness.' President Morris was very clear (speaking half of his words to this subject) that this calling was for both of us. That we are being asked to serve together. That my influence, in part, is the reason they called Brian, that I have a significant part to play in this. So, I'll take it seriously.

-I will 'let my soul delight in my husband and the glory which shall come upon him!'; and I will not make it mean that my glory is any less. Driving past the Hoover Dam bridge a few days after the call, we passed the massive support beams and I felt the whisper, without support, the bridge does not stand.

BYU professor Mary Jane Woodger said "I believe on many occasions that Joseph held the church together, but it was Emma and the Lord that held Joseph together." Was Emma's role any less important than Joseph's in the eyes of God? 

I would offer an emphatic no. 

Joseph could not have done what he did without her, and just because the eyes of the world and the church don't always esteem her as they do Joseph doesn't mean it wasn't the way of it. Whose eyes am I trying to impress anyway? God sees me.

--Story Number Two--

learning lessons from MJ

Two days before Brian was called, we were watching one of the new Spiderman movies as a family. Did you know that God can speak to you through Spiderman movies? Of course he can... he's a master of communication.

There is a moment when Spiderman is crumpled in a heap on the ground. He's in the middle of battling the end guy and seems to be losing. He's bloody, torn, bruised, tired, and losing faith in himself. At that moment, MJ comes onto the scene, gets down on the ground with him, cups his face between her hands, looks straight into his eyes and says, paraphrased, "You. Can. Do. This. You can do this, and you are the only one who can." It was her confidence in him that gave him the strength to keep going and eventually come out victorious. 

As I watched the scene, I narrowed my eyes and the thought dropped into my head, "You know, I could do a better job of being like that for Brian." This thought resurfaced in my mind off and on for the next two days, and when I saw Brian crumpled like that old Grandma's stocking in the chair next to me, I realized that the Lord had prepared me, just two days ago, for this. 

The office of my calling had begun, and it was time for me to 'comfort my husband with consoling words in the spirit of meekness.' 

Channeling MJ, I knew exactly what to do.

--Story Number Three--

the flock

Eventually it all went public, and the support for Brian has been really, really beautiful to watch. I wish I'd started counting all the times people said some version of, "I knew it was going to be you." At first, we laughed, but as it has gone on, it has quickly turned into something more astonishing. 

Really? All these people? In a ward with, as President Morris said, "so much horsepower," how did so many know? Why did they know? It could have been any one of a dozen people, yet President Morris said that as he sat in the temple hoping to whittle it down some, only one name remained.

The Lord knew,

President Morris knew,

And now all of these people...

It wasn't just a handful of people who simply 'guessed right.' It went on too long for that, and the sincerity with which the people have expressed their 'knowing' turned our heads and made us listen. 

Running into Jody Jeppson (who is the temple matron's assistant) in the celestial room one evening, she grabbed Brian's arm and whispered the now familiar line: "I knew it was going to be you," and my mouth dropped open. 

"How?" I whispered back. "We keep hearing that, over and over and over, it feels remarkable to me that so many would know." 

She smiled, and still holding onto Brian's arm she looked him in his eyes and said in a voice with quiet power, "Just as the Lord has been preparing you for this position, he has been preparing your flock to recognize the voice of their new shepherd." 

There in that sacred room, I felt the Spirit testify of the truth of it, and Brian and I both began to cry.

What a wonderful God we believe in. 

Brian has needed support as he's humbly wrestled with his own self-doubts, 

and the Lord has provided that support 

in abundance.

Here we go.

All Out of Summer

1) Brian Bought Me Sunflowers This Week

They’ve been such a bright reminder of his goodness. Ironically, he bought them to help me remember my goodness, but every time I look at them I just see his.

2) We're Trying to Not Let the Summer Shut us ALL the Way In

It can be beautiful, but dang, it's hot.

When Kenzie suggested we take her roommate, Rachel, to the Hoover Dam bridge, it was all I could do to throw a fake smile on my face and say, "Yeah! That sounds fun!" But what I was actually thinking was Yeah... okay... that'll take some work to make fun. Honestly, it's just so hot. But then, as always, it was worth the work (isn't fun always worth the work?) and ended up being a fabulous night. I was grateful for Kenzie's vision.

3) Nora's Golden Birthday

Swimming suits are great summer outfits around here (though, I believe the kids are saying 'fits' these days? Great summer fits? Anyway). Our best friend, Nora turned 9 on August 9th, and we celebrated with Gold. Gold swimming suits, gold shorts, gold sunglasses, and gold face tattoos (or arm tattoos in Eliza's case because foreign things on her face? No thank you). 

We went to Cowabunga Bay and had a wonderful time.

Eliza rocked her fit.

4) The Second Annual Royal Dinner

Did you know we're royalty? 

Sons and daughters of a King.

And so are you.

The night before school started, we donned our crowns around the dinner table and talked about how knowing about our Royal Divinity can give us a fountain from which to draw strength and confidence and courage throughout the coming year. No matter what circumstances greet us, we can feel prepared and safe because we know that when we're with God we are on the winning side. 

5) Make Lemonade

We're rolling out a new theme this year. "Make Lemonade" is stepping into the spotlight while our theme of the previous three years (Be the Nice Kid) will take a step back. Be the Nice Kid will still be on the stage, of course (it will always be a star), but the spotlight is shifting. For whatever reason, it felt like it was time. Carson just recently shared in a letter to me that our previous theme had been meaningful to him through his high school years. Maybe the theme had been inspired for him? It would explain why I feel it has run its course. Hopefully this new theme will touch a different kid in a meaningful way.

•Our Family Lemonade Recipe•

Squeeze your lemons, add a dash of Good Attitude, a sprinkle of Effort, and a whole lotta Jesus (Living Water). Then let God stir. Watch patiently as everything works together for your good.

•Good Attitude (Proverbs 17:22)    -   -   A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken 

                                                                             spirit drieth the bones.

•Effort (James 1:22)   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only.

•Living Water (John 4:14)  -   -   -   -   -   But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him 

                                                                             shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall 

                                                                             be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting 

                                                                             life. 

•The Stirring Spoon (Romans 8:28)  -  And we know that all things work together for good to them 

                                                                             that love God.

Anyway, the idea has taken hold. And everyone enjoyed the lemon treats.

6) How Can You Avoid Distracted Driving with a Landscape Like This?

Driving up to Utah all alone, this beautiful scene was showing off right outside my window. How do you pass this without at least trying to get a picture?! I wonder can you die of beauty? 

Since I couldn’t really see the image through my phone (responsible driver here), most of my shots included blurry signs in the corners or cars in the foreground, and all of them looked like they were shot by a drunken sailor.

Thank goodness for a little post processing.

Whenever I see something like this I have to wonder what it might have been like in the planning meetings of heaven while they were discussing the creation of the earth… Man hasn’t come close to creating something as incredible as this. Actually, I’m curious… 

A quick Google search "what is the most incredible thing man has created" says the pyramids in Egypt, the Great Wall of China, Machu Picchu, etc.

So, yeah. We haven’t even come close.

7) McKenzie is all Settled into her Apartment

And isn’t it adorable?! It took two and a half days of non-stop work to change it from its original Utilitarian vibe into a Now I Can Live Here vibe. 

Worth it.

8) The Giant Grasshopper who Bummed a Ride

Sounds like a children’s book, but it’s actually just the story of our Monday. I first noticed the grasshopper sitting on my windshield as I climbed into the car in the parking lot of the public library, and I assumed he would jump away as we started moving. I even accelerated slowly to give him a chance. But instead of jumping, he hunkered down and braved the 40mph wind speeds, turning his body to face it and letting his feelers blow around with reckless abandon. Eliza was delighted. She laughed and cheered for him the entire way, and as we entered into our neighborhood, I pulled the car to the side of the road and Eliza helped the grasshopper find a nice bush to make into his new home. Well, Eliza found the bush. I had to help the grasshopper. (“Eww, gross,” said Eliza.)

I did wonder if the grasshopper felt misplaced. Do grasshoppers feel a sense of ‘home?’

9) School has been a Success so far

Eliza and Nora are inseparable, and they make a pretty good team. Eliza calms Nora a bit, and Nora helps Eliza break out of her shell every once in a while. It's a good balance and I love the two of them together.

10) Essay: the Transition from High School to College

Miles is the third child out of three who has to write this essay for his Transition to College class. And you can tell by his face how much he is enjoying it.

11) Other Stories Written on Faces:

You have no idea how much I want to crawl into these photos and experience all of Carson's experiences with him. That would, of course, change his experiences (and not for the better), and yet the desire remains.

But apparently mothers are not allowed to tag along, so I must settle for experiencing his experiences through the stories he tells and the ones written on faces in his pictures. 

They're good.

Champion

Who: Timothy

What: Another Epic Alder Family Birthday Experience

Theme: Champion

I bought a pack of shiny gold t-shirts on Amazon, which, when worn, naturally turned us into instant champions. The scissors came out and I gave everyone instructions to cut and tuck tear and tie their shirts however they wanted. I was envisioning dramatic rips and tassels, but after the boys cut off their sleeves and Eliza tied a big knot at her hip, they were ready to go. Perhaps this crafting activity would have gone differently had my home been filled with girls.

Our first stop of the evening was to Lost Worlds Myth & Magic, marketed as “The Top Family Fun Center in Las Vegas!”

Which, after attending,  I agree might be true. It was certainly a place for a champion to show off his skills.

Laser tag (above), ninja course (below),

Arcades, unicorns,

a live magic show…

Side note: you may notice Brian’s head in the guillotine up there… it’s funny. He seems to get called up from the audience everywhere we go. Whenever a performer starts looking for an audience participant, Brian sinks as low as he can in his seat, and still, they find him. He’s been a participant in a mind reader show (Paranormal), the Blue Man Group, Mac King’s magic comedy routine, and now a children’s magic show. We laugh because it’s funny. He laughs because it helps diffuse his discomfort. Maybe it’s because he’s tall and his head sticks up above most crowds. Maybe it’s because his face is handsome and kind. Maybe it’s because he shows up in conspicuous golden t-shirts. In any case, the kids love it just about as much as he hates it.

Anyway - back to our champion, Timothy.

To make things more fun, we had a whole bunch of medals that he was tasked with winning throughout the night. 

If your team wins in laser tag, you get a medal.

If you complete the Ninja course without touching the ground, you get a medal.

If you climb the rock wall in so many seconds, you get a medal.

His ultimate task was to have all 12 medals hanging around his neck by the end of the night, and if he succeeded, he would win dessert for the entire family. (That last bit was an intentional ploy to create an atmosphere where everyone would be cheering for Timothy all night long, which totally worked.)

Once he cleaned out the medals available to him at Lost Worlds, we headed to the Golden Corral (see what we did there?). Fortunately and unfortunately for us, Brian is a pretty great chef over in the Alder household, so my kids palates are quite spoiled. They responded to the Golden Corral food about the same way I did. Somewhere between ‘meh’ and ‘gross.’

But we had fun. 

Before Timothy began eating his meal, each of us ran around the buffet and selected one bite of something interesting that he could try. We put all five bites on a plate, and if he succeeded in eating them, he would earn another medal. Which, being the champion that he is, he did without too much fuss.

He didn’t like the baby pickled corn on the cob thing I chose for him, haha.

After dinner, we went to the bowling alley where they had a great glow-in-the-dark theme going on.

We bowled a couple of games, and opened it up to let Eliza and Timothy work together to earn those last few medals. Every spare or strike from either of them would earn one, and Eliza walked away from the bowling alley quite thrilled to have a couple of medals hanging around her own neck. I was quite thrilled to see that the bowling ball brand was Linds… it felt like a good omen. Though, it didn’t seem to improve my game.

I’m always shocked with just how terrible I am at bowling.

But everyone was happy to have beat me, and with all the medals earned, we drove through Pink Box on the way home. 

We all feel pretty grateful for our own little champion, Timothy.

Timothy

It always starts the night before while the children are sleeping. Hanging banners, blowing up (a very select type and number of) balloons, wrapping presents... setting the tone and the atmosphere for the day ahead.

Because in the morning, we don't have time to decorate- we only have time to celebrate.

Timothy requested a breakfast of crepes - a Dad specialty - and thankfully he has a dad who is willing and eager to sacrifice anything (even sleep) to make crepes happen. Timothy opened a new outfit and a box of sugar cereal, completed his look with a birthday hat, and rode in the front seat like a king all the way to school.

For lunch, he requested Taco Bell - his favorite (and a Mom specialty) - and I was happy to drive through the drive through to pick up his 74 Doritos Locos Tacos, take them to school, and sit with him through his lunch hour.

After school, his brothers gave him the ultimate birthday present: they invited him outside to play basketball with them.

Timothy is currently one of my favorite people to be around. When he is with you, he is with you - looking at your face, asking questions, telling jokes, standing almost on your toes. He is eager to please, eager to learn, eager to help, eager to grow, and humble enough to listen.

He’s funny, too. I think he sees that as the biggest part of himself, the most lovable piece, but someday soon I think he’ll see that that’s just one lovable piece of his incredible soul.

He has a lot going for him, falling where he falls in the family. There is so much love showered down on him from people who have just been in his shoes. (I would say literally, but there’s no way any pair of shoes will make it through Miles to Timothy, so we’ll have to keep it figurative.)

He has great examples to look up to in his older brothers, and in his older sister.

McKenzie called from Chile to wish him the happiest of birthdays. She laughed patiently while he explored allllllllllll the different filters Messenger has to offer. 

He is funny. 

He fills our home with music, laughter, hugs, peace, and love.

Happy birthday, TK!

Scattered January

1. I Call it my Beach Calling

Sometimes the Lord calls you to a position where you need to stretch and grow, and other times he gives you a calling where you can kick up your feet, relax, and have fun. 

Primary chorister is the latter for me.

I have a burning passion inside for Jesus, and that passion extends to teaching others. Give me a room full of kids and I will do everything in my power to ignite a love for Jesus in their little hearts. I also have a burning passion inside for music, so give me room to do both? It's a dream.

January marked the end of studying the New Testament, so before we jumped into the Book of Mormon, we sang each song one more time, and each time we learned a truth about Jesus from the lyrics we sang, I had a child write it on the board. Phrase after phrase was written or drawn in chalk, and by the end of the hour, we had filled the entire board with truths about Jesus in children's handwriting. It was so beautiful I couldn't sing by the end because the lump in my throat was so big. Here's a small portion: 

So grateful Jesus healed the 'lepord.' #leopard #leper 

Music is so powerful.

2. Thinking Ahead is not Generally my Thing.

But since I have a missionary in Chile, I felt I need to change my thing. Her birthday is in February and, wouldn't you know, I buckled down and got a package out to her in early January so it would reach her in time! Go me.

3. One Day

My parents had a rough entry into 2024. A months-long leg infection, layers of viral infections, and a fall on the ice while shoveling snow that blew out a knee.

They were a sorry couple. 

My dad is serving in the Stake Presidency of a student ward, which is a great calling for him, but it does distance him from the watchful care of a home ward, so knowing that my parents would likely die before becoming squeaky wheels, I found his home bishop's email address and sent him a message to alert him to the situation. The bishop replied almost immediately, and within the day (either because of the email or because someone else had noticed) the ward had rallied and gave them the love and support only a ward family can provide. Love was expressed, the driveway was shoveled, meals were given... it's the gospel of Jesus Christ in action.

And then, looking at our calendar Brian and I noticed that we miraculously had an entire Saturday blank on our calendar! So we got the crazy idea to drive up unannounced for the day to deep clean their house. The kids were happy and eager to help with the surprise by grabbing construction paper, scissors, and markers to write get well messages on as many hearts as we could cut out, and by holding down the homestead while we were gone. 

I made several freezer meals to leave with them, and then we hopped in the car after the kids' basketball games late Friday night with the meals, cleaning supplies, smiles, a care package, and construction paper hearts. We stopped in Cedar City to sleep, and were up early Saturday morning to finish the drive. We decided not to say anything to them until we were 20 minutes from their doorstep so they wouldn't be able to turn us away, and then spent the entire day working like a reverse hurricane- tidying and scrubbing and dusting and vacuuming and tucking fresh sheets around mattress corners...

They are both people who are used to serving others, so it made them nervous to sit while we buzzed around them. I knew it would, but I hoped that a clean house at the end of the day would be worth a few hours of nervousness. We ordered them to sit and relax more times than I could count, and they tried! but my dad mostly followed us around, holding conversation and hobbling like an old man with his blown-out knee and a cane, and my mom tried to follow where the conversation went, but was honestly too sick to do much other than go from bed to couch to chair.

At the end of the day, we had finished cleaning, and as a final touch, left the meals in the freezer and the hearts taped to their bedroom door. Then we drove back to Cedar City that night and were home before church on Sunday.

We went up there to help them, but as we left, our hearts were full. King Benjamin encourages his people to "consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God." And since the first two commandments are to love god and love your neighbor, I guess we did a pretty good job in that moment. And we certainly felt blessed and happy. I love believing in a God who blesses his children for loving.

4. When Life Hands you Cacao Nibs, Make Hot Chocolate

Isn't that the saying? Timothy had a dream of running a hot chocolate stand, and he executed it perfectly. He drew up plans, budgeted his money, made the food, and sat out in the perfect weather to sell. Friends from all over the neighborhoods came to support him, and he came away with a little extra cash in his pockets.

Bless all the good people.

Eliza was a good little helper, too.

5. Sugar Fast

We all decided to do a sugar fast for the month of January. With one treat a week. 

I'll tell you, brownies and ice cream never taste so good as when you haven't had sugar for seven days preceding it! 

Unless you're Timothy and happen to have a stomach bug on Treat Day. There were a few tears shed over it, but we promised him that the ice cream and brownies would be ready for him as soon as his stomach was feeling better.

6. The Cutest Dates

I love these kids.

7. S.P.O.R.T.S.

With all the kids' sports, we always have something entertaining to go to in the evenings.

8. Along With Sports, We Also Like to Relax. 

I hope the kids always remember this. Curling up around the couch doing nothing but being together.

9. Cheer Camp

The high school cheerleaders ran a little cheer camp for any elementary students who wanted to join. Eliza was all in! Until she realized that cheer leading happens in the gym... during a basketball game... with the buzzer. 

Eliza hates the buzzer.

It hurts her ears, and ever since she was tiny, she has classified 'headphones' under the 'very important needs' in her life. 

But here for the first time, I sensed a little conflict for her as she scanned the other little cheerleaders in the group and noticed that no one else had headphones. Still, she kept them on while she sat in the bleachers with her team (can you find here in the group up there?!), but I did notice she put them around her neck when she went out onto the court during halftime to do her little cheer dance. 

The instant the dance was finished she put them back on and came to find us, happy and smiling. And I didn't even mention it. I figure she'll release them on her own terms, and in the meantime I'll make sure to treat her the same either way to help her see that she is lovable and amazing when she wears them, and when she doesn't.

Cancer of the Uncomfortable Kind

It's not deadly. It doesn't spread. But it is irritating and it's quite uncomfortable to get rid of. 

At first they called it squamous cell carcinoma, but as they got into it they said it was registering as basal cell carcinoma. Either way, I wasn't happy about it joining the other cells on my face. 

It's not my first rodeo with skin cancer and maybe it was because I knew what to expect that I felt a little more nervous this time. The first time I thought it was going to be a simple scoop and dump, but I ended up walking out of the surgery center with stitches in a hideous zig-zag form all the way down the entire right side of a gnarled-up nose and a promise that two black eyes would follow. 

This time I knew that I didn't know what to expect - it all had to do with the placement of the cancer - and so feared the worst. However, I was pleasantly surprised because it was basically the straightforward scoop and dump that I had anticipated for the first one. Hooray.

After I came out of the surgery center, I paused for a little selfie-shoot to show my friends my beautiful nose job.

Turns out I was still very, very numb while taking these photos, and I unknowingly stretched my skin in terrible ways to make these facial expressions. Twenty minutes later and halfway through my drive, things started waking up, and those things were frightfully angry.

It started as a little headache behind my right eye and within minutes felt like a bomb had exploded inside my face. Every time I moved my eyelids- every time I shifted my eyeballs- every time I licked my lips or raised my eyebrows the pain would shoot from the scar to behind my eye and throb there in a most unnatural way. 

An uncomfortable observation:

One doesn't realize how much the skin in that area moves until one is punished for each movement.

I tried valiantly to keep my facial movements to a minimum, but driving a car without moving your eyes is tricky. I still had twenty minutes left in my drive home, and the pain was so intense I considered pulling into the nearest pharmacy to get myself some ibuprofen and sleep until the edge wore off. 

A risky move, because if I didn't get home soon the pain could get worse. 

So I stayed in the right-hand lane and followed the car in front of me until I got home, where I crawled up the stairs and climbed into my bed to sleep.

The next few days were unexpectedly rough. The surgery had been easier, but the healing was more intense this second time around, and I'm sure it had to do with how much that blasted skin moves. I guess I'm a pretty expressive talker (is everyone?) and even with heavy concentration, I couldn't hold a conversation without moving my face. The slightest eyebrow twitch, smile, eyeball movement, it all tugged at that skin and made the tension headache throb. I found more success when I held conversations with my eyes closed- I guess because I wasn't compelled to mirror expressions.

I couldn't read, I couldn't edit pictures, I couldn't watch tv... the safest thing was to sleep. As things got a little better, I could put my phone at the edge of my bed so the screen was tiny enough for me to see the whole thing without any eyeball shifting, so Netflix helped me pass the time.

Eventually the skin began to stretch and heal together, the tension headaches decreased, and after seven days, we removed the stitches.

I stopped taking pictures of the scar after this point, but here is a good idea of how things are healing. 

This is at one, two, and three months. 

I'm grateful for a skilled surgeon.

Even if he jokingly told me to get rid of our boat.

I told him it won't happen.

The sun may be terrible for my skin, but it's so good for every other part of me. 

I'll just keep using sunscreen like it's oxygen, and if I die of skin cancer, at least I'll know I lived happy.