One of the best things about being in North Carolina is autumn. Unlike Utah, where every tree is planted and every patch of green has been bought, North Carolina is consistently being threatened to be taken over by our chlorophyll-containing companions. I see landscapers cutting branches away from wires, pulling new little trees from the ground, and picking up acorns to discourage any unwanted growth. The highways and freeways are flanked by tall trees, and many roads are completely tunneled over by thick, beautiful branches.
This makes autumn incredible. I was driving down the highway last week searching for turning leaves, and as I came around a little bend in the road, I saw one brilliantly orange tree standing among great, giant evergreens. It was quite alone in it's flamboyance, and I thought to myself, "I feel like that tree." Not that I'm flamboyant in the least - but I do feel 'different' sometimes.
And, it's not always a good different either. I often say things that are dumb, naive, or not very well thought out - and those things tend to put me in an uncomfortable spotlight. And at those times, I wish my orange leaves looked a little more green.
But that little orange tree was never meant to be an evergreen. And it displayed it's orange leaves with confidence - and because of that, it was breathtaking. I hope that someday I will be able to display my orange leaves with confidence; to be who I am without apologies; to not be ashamed to ask questions about simple things I don't understand; to never pretend to be someone I'm not; to think before I speak...and if I don't, to apologize quickly and admit that I wasn't thinking; to understand that my differences will not be appreciated by everyone, and to be okay with that.
And ultimately, to someday realize that I am as spectacular as that little, orange tree...
~
Linds, you are a wonderful person. You are a wonderful mom, and I am sure you are a wonderful wife. Whenever I call and you are busy and can't talk because you are doing something with your kids, or taking them somewhere I always think that I should be more like that. I am very happy to still have you as a friend, and I love you! Don't think other wise. I just had something happen to me that was really hard to take, and I feel like a small part of who I really am has falling into place because of it. (Though I do wish I hadn't had to go through it, but it is not always what I want.) Thank you for all you share with all of us on your blog. I love to read it, and look at all the pictures. It makes me feel like you are not so far away. :)
ReplyDeleteEven if you feel like an "orange" leaf sometimes, just remember that if you were a fruit, I would think of you as an apple, or an orange, not a mango (or a watermelon!)
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