Our Future in Sin City

Sunrise from our hotel in Vegas

"I think the thing that is most important to me..." I started.  I paused for a second to try to gather my thoughts into clear ideas.  We were discussing that word that had been circulating around our home like a vulture over road kill: future.  With a country wide open with possibilities, it has been near impossible for me to feel comfortable on any one decision regarding where to settle and raise our family.  But I knew one thing: my happiness seemed to be directly affected by natural beauty.  And the type of natural beauty I found most beautiful "... is water," I concluded.  Lakes, streams, waterfalls, oceans, rivers, clouds, thunderstorms, even the morning dew reflecting that early sunlight catches my eye and leaves me breathless at times.  And the green the water creates, leaves and grasses and vines, I knew that simply looking at these things made me happy.  "I think we should really focus on finding a place with water."

So how in the heck did I end up holding a signed contract binding us to Vegas!?

Yep.
Las Vegas...
the very same one you're thinking of.
In the desert.

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People have one of two reactions when I tell them I'm moving my family to Vegas... the most common one among LDS families is one of, "Oh!  I know someone who lives in Vegas and they absolutely love it there!"  The most common reaction among others is, "Oh... ... Really?"  I can see the confusion play out on their faces as they imagine our four small children setting up tents to live among the strippers and slot machines, wearing gas masks to protect their tiny lungs from the second-hand smoke.

But, I promise, we will not live on the strip (are there even houses on the strip?).  Actually, even being one of the most famous party streets in the world it is, after all, only a street.  One street in one area of a large city flanked by smaller cities, all full of neighborhoods and landscaped parks and schools and church-houses and, even, a temple.  In fact, in driving around the neighborhoods of the city the most overwhelming feeling I got was, "This looks like a fantastic place to raise a family."  Which is rather important to me at this stage in my life.

More important, turns out, than lots of water.

 Entertaining the baby on the flight - people were almost drooling over this little guy.  Fun to have such a cutie.

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Our trip down there for the interview was good.  The bitterness of leaving the lush east coast was twisting like a dagger in my heart, but the promise of future and close family painted over the pain with a coat of happiness and a trace of excitement.  My parents drove down to Vegas to meet us there (drove down!  Just for a couple of days!  That's how close!) and took care of Timothy for us while the interviewing practice took Brian and me out to dinner.  

And then watched him again when we went to see our dear friends, the Wellings, at their son's baseball game.

I was blown away by the people in the practice.  For the first time in Brian's career I was looked at as a human being.  They called me Lindsay.  They asked what I thought about Vegas and what my concerns were in bringing my young family to the city.  After being 'Brian's wife' for ten years, this was a welcome change and at the end of the night I made sure to thank them for it.  Thank you for recognizing that I am a very important piece of this decision and for caring about what I think.  They were warm, friendly, ethical and generous.  Plus the topics around the dinner table stayed far away from ophthalmology... another thing I'm not used to as I've sat through many dinners completely unable to participate because I don't understand the language of eye surgery (and, frankly, don't want to hear about their gross eyeball stories, anyway *shudder*).  They were so family oriented and almost all (all?) of them have children of their own, they even organize their work hours around their families.

Brian was also quite struck with the practice itself.  Before we went we knew it was a well known practice, but when he spent a day working side-by-side with them he was most struck with the ease of conversation and camaraderie the partners had with each other (and him), with the patient/doctor relationships he witnessed, and with the ethical way they practiced their medicine.  He and I both left dinner that night feeling like it would not be possible to find a better practice, and that we would fit perfectly with them.  (We!  As in, all of us.)  And we left the city of Vegas feeling like it would be a great place to raise a family.

Even so.

It's been an emotional decision.  One with many sleepless nights and fervent prayers.  Turns out choosing a place to live forever carries a lot more pressure than choosing, say, which medical school or residency to attend. 

 1:49 and wide, wide awake

Once the decision was made I still felt scared.  I still felt like living in the desert would be hard for me... and, sometimes I still get concerned.  But the longer I think about it, the more excited I become.  I will miss this east coast deeply (so (so) deeply), but how lucky we've been to be able to have spent ten years of our lives here... and I will always be profoundly thankful for these years and these people and the experiences we've had.  Why not try something new?  And... as I stare at this ocean out my window, I can't think of anything more 'new' than the desert.

This struggle of a decision has taught me one thing, though.  I think the thing that is most important to me after all is not water.

It's family.

My kids will have a great life with plenty of options for good friends and chances to stand up for themselves.  My husband will have a great life with this practice that seems to understand the delicate balance between family life and work life.  And I will have a great life, too.  Maybe one not filled with the beauty water creates, but filled with happiness from people I love - friends, family, children, husband - being so near.

If a flower can bloom in the desert, then so can I.

 Source for picture - in my dreams could I ever take or edit a picture like this!

Bring on the lotion and chapstick!

Phone Dump II

I know, I know.  I've posted a lot of pictures of sunrises... but I can't help it!  I'm a sucker for them.  And, how interesting that they're never exactly the same.  I love this picture and kind of hope I pulled out my big camera to get this.  I'll have to look into that...  I want to be careful not to rely on my camera phone for everything!

But, my camera phone is great for these pictures below because they wouldn't exist otherwise!

*Sunsets, Brian snapping pictures of me against my will, fire alarm pulled in Winn Dixie when half of my groceries had been scanned.
*Elevator rides, more sunsets, crazy pumpkins
*Kids welcome us home from Vegas, Carson enjoying his sandwich before it's finished, more sunsets.

*Loving the short hair, Miles hiding from my camera, blue, blue ocean.
*Timothy starting to crawl, finding a little autumn, Carson relaxing after the pool.
*Miles's freckled nose, playing in a basket, and snapping pictures of me.

*Timothy exploring a pumpkin

Joining the Smart World - Phone Dump I

It's true.  We've joined the smart phone world and we are not looking back.  Why did no one ever tell me how awesome it is to have a camera with me all. the. time?!  (Okay, so several of you actually did tell me that, but I guess it's one of those things that I just had to figure out for myself.)  Anyway - we're loving it... me for the ease of taking pictures and sharing them instantly, and Brian for about a million and seven reasons.  That man is addicted to electronics, I tell you.  And, fun for me, he's pulling McKenzie in with him.

Anyway - here are little bits of our lives from my phone's point of view.  These are all from the area around 'Daddy's apartment'.

*Daily Rain, Day Moons, and Thick Blades of Grass
*Pretty white birds, drops of dew, and Carson perfecting his lizard catching skills
*Pathways of brick, fountains, and a little autumn.

There isn't much to do at Daddy's apartment, so after we finish our school work (and sometimes before) we:

have a lot of dance parties,
 

and build a lot of forts.

*We go to the pool, (sometimes) sleep in, and have Carson read to us (because he's getting better and better and better with the practice (go Carson!)).  
*We smell the flowers, frown at Timothy because it makes him frown back at us, and allow for lots of nap times.
*We run, do exercise, and practice our sitting skills.

One afternoon I strapped the baby in the stroller and we went out in search of interesting things to photograph.  The only rules I gave the kids were that they had to be gentle with my phone, and that if they were asked to be in a photo from a sibling then they had to do it happily. 


Turns out that I like Carson's photography eye better than my own.  (Middle row of pictures are his.) Every time he and I took a picture of the same thing, I'd end up liking his picture better. Isn't it so fun when you discover another talent in one of your kids?  I feel like these kids are full of diamonds that are just waiting to be uncovered... and I get to be there for it all.  Being a Mother is so rewarding that way.

While Daddy's Away

"We only have 7 months left here," he said.  His tone was the same as if he'd been saying he only had 7 more hip surgeries before he could walk again.  Overwhelmed, but ever looking forward to that end goal with a We Can Do This attitude.   "We only have 7 months left here," I repeated.  Though I said it as one might say she only has 7 more days left to live.

And, that about sums up our experiences in living in Miami so far.  Brian is enclosed in crowds of entitled people, and narrow traffic lanes clogged with battered cars and hot-headed drivers, in long work hours and work-a-holic peers, in searching for parking around our building every. single. night (and sometimes in walking the blocks home after finding one), in deciphering accents and dealing with people who can say little more in his native tongue than 'no English'.  The heat of the days seep under his white coat and make him sticky with sweat as he treats numerous fungal eye infections that fester in the humidity of this environment.

And me?  I'm enclosed in sand and sun, in ocean waves and pool days, in soothing breezes and cool showers... it makes sense why we feel differently about this halfway mark approaching.

The golden lining in all of this is that Brian is learning so much more about how to treat gross-looking eyeballs.  And the kids and I are working hard to have fun even while he's away.  It's hard sometimes because he really brings an infectious energy into the home that always makes things a lot more fun.  But once in a while I can get the kids enjoying a slide as much as they enjoy their dad.

Timbo watching the older kids, wishing he could play...

You're getting close, buddy... keep working on crawling, first.

And once the fun of the playground wears off...

We can fill the daddy-void with some cold sugar cereal for dinner. 

See?  I know how to keep it fun. 
After dinner we sometimes head back out to the beach to play away the sun.  (Well, we used to be able to do that before the combination of winter and daylight savings created a 5:30 sunset... so sad to lose those after dinner sunlight hours.)

This guy is starting to love the sand.

See how much?

He also loves eating things.  All things.  Blankets included.

And then when daddy finally makes it home, we celebrate by staring at each other for the rest of the night.

Evenings of Play

I'm used to Brian working long hours.  There have been years in our lives where we hardly see one another and, of course, this has been difficult.  But there has come a rather ironic silver lining from this that I've become aware of: we know how to spend time together.  What I mean by that is that we have had so many years of having just pockets of hours together that we got really good at making the most of those hours.  And since this has all happened through the first decade of our relationship, it has simply become the way things are.  When he is home, we are together.  We watch movies together or play games together.  We talk through the evening hours over a half gallon of ice cream and lately we sit and cuddle out on the balcony and talk about our future while the ocean rings in our ears and the breeze dances through our hair. 

I love this. 
And over the years he has become my best friend. 

So I miss him in years like this one where he is being worked so hard.  This year he gets home late and leaves early.  He takes call often and sleeps at the hospital a few times a month.  We've had worse years in terms of his schedule, but this one falls close to the top.  Even so, there are so many beautiful and wonderful things in this state that I'd like to experience as a family, so we try to make the most of his time with us by getting out and enjoying it when he comes home from work, which means a lot of evening outings.  And, you know what?  I think evening outings are becoming one of my favorite things about this year.  Sometimes I feel like my life is going by like a train on a railroad track.  Fast, straight, not many options for detours, just get from point A to point B as efficiently as possible.  Our evening routine certainly falls underneath the umbrella of this analogy.  An invisible railroad track connecting Dinner to Chores to Pj's to Scriptures to Teeth, Potty, Stories, Songs, and finally arriving at Kids Lights Out. I don't allow much room for flexibility or improvization during these hours because, frankly, I'm tired by this time of the day and it's much easier to let the railroad tracks take me down their well run course.  But... my life is not a train.  And I am free to stop and wander off the course as often as I like, to change up the schedule and to keep our scenery fresh and alive.  And this year, because of my desire to Get Out And Do while Brian is around, I've been forced off the evening tracks enough times to recognize that I really cherish those hours when we're out in the beautiful open air during a magical time of day. 

Anyway - here are some pictures of these types of detoured evenings.  After the work hours are over.

*John D. MacArthur State Park

I love this park.  There's a giant boardwalk that goes out over a smallish inlet and there is wildlife everywhere.

I'm not particularly fond of the spiders, but the park rangers say that they help keep the biting gnats at bay.  So... pick your poison, I guess.  After you leave the spider infested areas, the boardwalk leads you right down to the sand where you can find more creatures if you want to.

I love the beach at our apartment because it has a shallow bottom floor for yards and yards before dropping off in to the deep, but there is something about the depth of that blue water just over the breakers at this park that leaves me breathless. 

And terrified.  A little.  Sharks, you know.

Should-a brought swimming suits.  Always. Bring. Swimming suits.  And, is it just me cringing at McKenzie's rolled up shorts?  My goodness... that child will not stop growing, and those legs put almost as much terror in my heart as the thought of sharks in that deep blue water.

*Jupiter Beach

Should-a brought swimming suits.  Always. Bring. Swimming suits.  This park is so beautiful at sunset.  See the lighthouse in the background of the previous picture?  I keep seeing lighthouses around and then feeling like I should really spend some time thinking about them, because there is potential there for me to really fall in love with the symbolism behind them.  But they just don't do anything for me now.  I'm much more in love with the clouds and the sun and the water and how all three of those things combine in such... ways... it leaves me speechless.

See that reflecting light?!  Trust me, it was better in real life.  Still trying to figure out how to capture things as they actually are...

Lots of shallow water.

Lots of rocks, and just enough sand.

*Football Night
 

We realized something was terribly wrong with our parenting when the kids started using the words football, soccer ball, and basketball interchangeably.  Brian vowed to change that.  We are now the proud parents of football experts.  Not really.  But at least they know what a football is now.  I think.  And McKenzie and Carson seem to understand the rules well enough to enjoy the games.  This guy took a football to the face and decided moping in the grass would be a better activity for the evening.

And this guy just sat on a blanket and looked cute enough to eat.

So...
What should we do tonight?

Vampires, Doctors and Regulars

#1 - City Halloween Party

Good eeeeeevening to you.
Lets pretend you were on your way to a city Halloween party, and on your walk you passed by a gate that looked very vampire-ish.  You happened to have two small vampires with you and one said, "Hey! Take a picture of us in front of this gate! It will look like we are guarding a castle!"  You said no initially because the people who live (for real) in the shack castle were sitting just inside their open door, speaking rather loudly to one another in Spanish, so you didn't know what they're saying, but it didn't sound... friendly. 
"No - let's just keep going."
"Then, can we take a picture on the way home?"
"Well, probably not - there won't be any more light."  The sad puppy dog eyes that followed, and the fact that the gate really would make a cool background finally convinced you to do it.  Quickly.  And after you snapped the picture you realized you gave no thought to much of anything (even the background) except for the possibility of offending the angry people behind the gate.
So you hoped the picture turned out well as you scuttled your children away.
Nice eye, Carson.  I like the look.

The kids and I made it to the Halloween party and partied the night away with loud music, free cotton candy, random carnival rides and a haunted house that scared Carson to the bone.  Turns out this city knows how to throw a Halloween party.

Phone Camera Dump (can I tell you how much I love having a camera on me all the time!):

 These guys had a blast.

#2 - Carving Pumpkins

Carving pumpkins is not exactly easy with this little guy around. He wanted in on the fun, but still seems a little small to be handling a knife, so he had to settle for chewing on the pumpkin top.  Vegetable dinner, check.

McKenzie and Carson were quite absorbed in their creations.

And Miles couldn't stop reading through his brand new book: Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.  I've heard good things about this book and you can see that Miles was anxious to get started.  Anxious enough to miss out on the pumpkin carving this year.  I tried to tell him that pumpkin carving is way more important than reading, but he just wouldn't listen.

Eventually, the pumpkins were done and... only one survived to the picture taking portion of the evening.

Miles wanted me to 'take a picture of him in the dark' too, so, here you go.  Dollar Tree lanterns = super fun for a day.  Then they break and tears are shed and we're forced to consider the old adage 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.'

#3 - Halloween Food

What do you do when you haven't thought about food?  Cut up tortillas and fry cheese and slather things in nutella.  Works every time.

#4 - Trunk or Treat

And, of course, what Halloween season would be complete without the ward Trunk-or-Treat?

These guys hauled home just enough candy for them to be happy and for me to not be overwhelmed. 

Miles walked around the church halls with this face the entire night:

He also struck this pose several times when I said, 'Miles, be a vampire'.  It did not get old.

I went as, in Miles's words, 'just regular' this year.  I certainly enjoy dressing up for Halloween, but something about the warm air and ocean breeze just never got me quite into the mood of it and before I knew it the time for preparation had passed.

Now - how do I start preparing myself for Thanksgiving?  I've gotta somehow feel the magic of this year without the seasons changing!

Happy November!