Pirates In Church

To help the kids get ready for their primary program, Brian and I dressed up like pirates and swaggered into the primary room one Sunday morning. We had heard, you see, about some of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and we were interested in learning more. Thankfully we found the room full of primary children, all wearing sticker name-tags that said ‘Missionary in Training,’ who were eager to answer our questions using lyrics from the songs they had learned throughout the year. 

"My poor old grandpa had to walk the plank," Brian said in a grizzled voice, "and got eaten by the sharks. Am I ever going to see him again?" Two small Missionaries in Training looked in their scriptures at the list of printed song titles the primary chorister had stuck inside before saying, "Yes! Families can be together forever!" And the whole primary sang the truth of it.

"All my friends like to plunder and steal gold," I said in a (much less) grizzled voice, "but you're telling me I should not follow their example? Whose example should I follow? Who should I try to be like if I'm not trying to be like my friends?" The next two Missionaries in Training poured over their list of song titles before answering, "Jesus! I'm trying to be like Jesus!" And the whole primary sang.

Song after song, truth after truth, they testified of Christ and taught us how to be more like Him. It was one of the best primary hours I've been to... even though we scared little 3-year-old Hobbes to tears. Turns out he's not used to seeing pirates in church. I texted his mom an apology later that day and asked how he was doing, and she said, “Oh my gosh! Lindsay! He was saying something about  pirates at church today and I was like, ‘what is he even talking about? He must have had a big imagination today,’ ha! This is hilarious.”

No. No imagination needed. There really were pirates at church.

During the program, the primary chorister had one laminated picture of the Pirate Bishop and one laminated picture of Christ. 

“When I hold up the picture of Bishop during the program, that means sing louder,” she instructed the children. “And when I hold up the picture of Jesus, that means sing with more reverence.” She then promised the children that if they did an excellent job in their primary program, there would be a party in which the bishop would walk the plank.

Let me tell you, they did excellently. And Bishop followed through with his end of the deal.

To the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack coming from our big speaker and cheers of "Walk the Plank" from almost every primary kid (I think we were only missing 2?), Brian jumped off the rocks in his pirate outfit.

Please take a moment to treasure Eliza in the picture above. 

Brian was such a good sport. The evening before, he had come down with a fever and white spots on the back of his throat. He didn't feel well, but he pounded the antibiotics and ibuprofen and pushed through to make it a fun evening for the kids.

(And don't worry... he kept a good social distance for the night excepting the picture above)

But here’s a glimpse of how he really felt.

The next day, Eliza decided what she wanted to be for Halloween.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, amiright?