...those were some of the last words Brian mumbled as he was drifting off to sleep last night at 1:30 am. I had spent the whole night getting ready for McKenzie's big day today, and when Brian got home from work (at 1:00am) he helped me finish up the last of it. By the time we went to bed, there were bright pink streamers hanging from the ceilings, balloons covering the floor, a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" banner prominently displayed, a cute, fluffy, pink robe sewn and wrapped, rice krispy treats with sprinkles sitting in dishes ready to be taken to the preschool party, a day full of fun planned (seriously from the second she woke up until she hit the pillow for bed) - - - and I was still laying in bed, worrying about how to make McKenzie's 5th birthday special.
"What if it snows tonight?" I worried aloud (it did...but didn't stick at all, and thankfully didn't shut anything down). "What if I'm supposed to do more for her preschool party?" "I hope it doesn't make her sad when she finds out her favorite teacher isn't going to be there tomorrow." "Do you think it's going to ruin her night if I don't have anyone over to sing 'Happy Birthday' to her?" "I wish you didn't have to work all afternoon/night."
"Linds..." Brian interjected - already slurring his speach with exhaustion, "stop worrying. Everything is going to be great tomorrow. You've thought a lot about it... I don't think most moms spend this much time thinking about their kids' 5th birthdays. You are your mother's daughter," he finished endearingly.
He fell asleep, and I lay awake thinking about his statement. It's true...my mom could definitely be classified as a 'worrier' when it comes to her kids. From a very young age, it was easy to know that my mom cared about the way I was feeling in all situations, and that she would do anything possible to make that feeling 'good'. Just as I did everything I could to keep McKenzie from feeling one ounce of disappointment or sadness on her birthday, my mom did everything she could to keep us from those same feelings all the time. As I've become a mother, and realized that self-sacrificing is not usually intuitive for me, I've come to appreciate my mother even more for her thoughtfulness, compassion, and selflessness in my behalf.
One of my best friends here once said to me, "I want to give my kids the same kind of childhood you had...or, at least, the kind of childhood I imagine you had from your stories." She then continued by bringing up my mom (who she's never met) and I was touched because she recognized that much of my childhood happiness came from my mother.
I guess this is just a long way to say I love you, Mom! And, even though I spent much of the night worrying last night, I'm glad that I have a little of that in me - because that's what I love so much about you.