I find it fascinating how easily a mother's life revolves around her children. Sometimes I go through phases where I try to reconnect with my pre-mothering self, or try to reground my personality in just myself and God - but I realize, time and time again, that a little piece of my heart is in each child...and their beautiful personalities are woven through and through my own so much that it's impossible to separate one from another. I believe that my emotions will always revolve around their lives and their happiness - and how wonderful that, in this breath of time, my whole life is physically revolving around them, too.
Maybe that's why I was so thrilled when I felt my baby move for the first time tonight. I just love thinking about her cute little hands, and her cute little feet, and the masses and masses of hair she will have when she's born, and those long, dark eyelashes, and that beautiful, beautiful face....... No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but McKenzie and I are rooting for a girl and since I write this blog, I get to impose my wishes on it. :) And, if the baby is anything like McKenzie, she won't have any real hair until well past her first birthday...but again, my blog. It's been so fun to cheer for a girl with McKenzie - she's kind of in this 'girl power' phase, and I guess I'm feeding into it a little bit. (I just hope she won't be too disappointed if the results come back in favor of a boy.)
What a great ray of light for me tonight, feeling that little nudge. I put on my favorite pair of pants this morning and sighed when I realized that, no matter how hard I pulled, tucked, squeezed or yanked, that blasted button was not going to make it. So, I got out the elastic band to hold it together and felt a little twinge of defeat as I succumbed to my fate for the next few months. I lathered concealer all over my face and, still, those little red blotches shined right through like they were the star of the party (sadly, even in Beautimus...I've made a point to not look in Wretchimus for the next long while). I try not to let my physical appearance dictate my mood for the day...but sometimes it does - so it was great to feel a little nudge of encouragement from my little one, to help me remember exactly why I'm doing this. :)